The Fat Neck Hump, Who Knew?

I went to the doctor, who is also a redhead so she “gets” me, a few months ago because I had horrible neck and shoulder pain. I have a couple of discs in my neck that have decided that one of the places I definitely would like some cushion in my pushin’ is going to have none.

Me: Oh! Can you look at this place on the back of my neck? I think it’s swollen.

Doc: Hmm, well, I see you have gained about 20 pounds in the last year-and-a-half.

Me: (Gasp) What? Are you telling me I have a fat neck hump? Is that a thing?

Doc: (Very matter-of-factly) Pretty much!

Excuse me? A fat neck hump is a thing? Did you know that? Not poor posture. Not swelling. A freaking fat neck hump? And that weight? As if having fibromyalgia, degenerative disc disease, and raging full-on freaking menopause isn’t enough, I have a fat neck hump to boot? Nope. And nope friends.

Does something like that go in your file? “Patient complained of swelling in the neck. However, there was no swelling, just simply a fat neck hump. Advised patient to eat less and exercise more.”

My fat neck hump and I left in disgust and became a pescatarian with a gumption for portion control and a hydration mission before I got to the check out counter.

And just so you know, this is not my actual fat neck hump. Mine is thankfully gone. But when I Googled “fat on back of neck” several pictures came up with ways to get rid of a “buffalo hump.” What? This thing has an even worse name than “Fat Neck Hump”? Holy goodness.